Have you ever experienced it before? Well, I think many of you did eventually. After all, it’s a natural feeling to love and hate someone at the same time. I used to think that there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. But I soon found out that this feeling does exist. It is better known as mixed feelings.

There are many kind of love-hate relationships. For example, there is the kind where you love someone because of some reasons but hate her at the same time for her bad habits. I guess for this kind of relationship, it’s best for you to just accept her for who she is and not try to change her. No one can change a person unless the person is willing to change herself.

There is also the kind where you are just fond of a person with no reasons at all but hate her for who she is and her affection. It’s where you hate the person so much that you want to get rid of her from your life but couldn’t take yourself to do so because of the love you have for her.

To love and hate someone at the same time is a horrible experience. It makes you feel so drowned up with emotions which you yourself can’t sort out. You will be bottled up with sprinkles of joy, happiness, pain and hurt. It can even drive you up the walls because of the depression you will face. But it’s normal. It’s healthy to feel that way. You just gotta find a way to get rid of the hatred inside of you.

How do we know that we are having a love-hate relationship with the people around us? It’s kinda simple actually. If a friend of yours is always blowing hot and cold towards you ,that is one of the symptom. For example, one moment she treats you well and cares for you always while another moment she ignores you and doesn’t contact you at all. That means that friend of yours might not feel secure in your friendship as she sometimes find herself loving you and hating you.

So what should you do now that you found out? How do you strengthen the bond that you are sharing and make things better? First of all, try to talk to the person. Confront her and ask her about her ‘blowing hot and cold’ swing. Ask her how she feels about the relationship you are sharing and ask if you might have offended her in any way. Talk through things and always be open to share your thoughts and feelings as well. And try to understand how she feels.

Don’t expect the person to confront you. She might not even be aware that she actually loves and hates you at the same time. Or she may be aware of it but doesn’t want to admit that it’s true. Sometimes a person doesn’t understand why he/she blows hot and cold at times too. Confront the person first. Make the first move. Let her know how you feel about what’s going on and maybe things will change.

Love-hurt relationship can be a really hurtful relationship. It can happen in the friendships that you already have but you weren’t aware of it. It can be dreadful. So take a moment and think about all your friends. Are you sharing such a friendship with any of them? Or are there any of your friendships that are turning into love-hate relationships? If so, you better start taking actions because it’s no use crying over spilt milk later. I’m sure you would rather share a strong bond with your friends than a love-hate relationship that causes conflicts and hurtful feelings right?

Originally written by Gina Yap Lai Yoong © 2004

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