I wear my mask wherever I go,
Not wanting to let my real self show.
I have it on with mysteries untold,
I wonder when will my real self unfolds.
But soon I found myself unable to detach,
The mask I had with me, it is well attached.
It has blended into my inner self, making me lost,
I’m not sure I know who I am inside now, I am lost.
I ask myself who I really am inside,
I have no answer, my mask blurred my thoughts.
A little of the pretend me is fastened to my soul,
The mask has eventually taken full control.
I cannot undo what I have done,
Cannot change what I have begun.
So here I am with my mask, hoping that you’ll see through it,
And realize the real person I am inside.
Originally written by Gina Yap Lai Yoong © 2007
When I wrote this poem, I was the greatest pretender of them all. I was only 21 and as far as I was concerned, people love me for who they thought I was. They thought I was a decent girl who obeyed the adults and listened to my parents, who loved my family and enjoyed spending time with senior citizens, who would do anything just to make others happy by putting myself aside and others first. And the bad news was, I thought they were right. And I started neglecting myself – the person I am inside. I have allowed the mask they have created for me to shape me, to take control.
But there came a time in my life that I stopped hoping for others to see through the mask and accept me for who I am. Because I was tired of playing pretense, I wanted to be real. I wanted to put myself first and be an individual of my own. So I began to reveal my true self to the world and it took courage – loads of it! And it’s all worth it! Because the handful of people whom love and accept me for who I am today is much more valuable compared to the many who loved me for who they ‘wanted’ me to be. And it feels good to be original.
Most of the time you know what is best for you, but you are just not daring enough to step out and grab hold of it. Remove your mask, my friend! There are people out there who will love you for who you are because you are worth it. And a few of them is better than a thousand others who live in pretense.
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