Not Because You Should; Because You Really Want To
“Sometimes we convince ourselves that we have feelings for one person, when perhaps it’s only because we think we should.”
…or so a sentence from the novel ‘Beware of Doug’ by Elaine Fox suggested. I think this is a powerful statement. A statement so powerful that each one of us could associate to.
Remember the time when you suddenly realised you no longer love that someone anymore? It wasn’t because either of you weren’t going along well or communicating. It wasn’t because your partner did something that hurts you or upsets you. In fact, everything was perfectly normal and good. Just that you woke up one morning and that feeling of overwhelming love for your lover wasn’t there anymore. Do you suggest a breakup then?
Most people don’t; Not unless something pops up and there’s a reason to breakup. What happens when nothing pops up? When everything about your relationship with your lover is good but you just don’t feel like you are in love anymore? When everyone expects you to get married, have kids and live happily ever after? Are you pressured to convince yourself that you still love that someone because you should?
How many times have we done something thinking that it’s a must, when perhaps it’s only because we think we should? Is this the way most humans think when it comes to making decisions about their life? Will you marry your childhood friend just because the entire world thinks you should? Will you keep the job you detest the most just because everyone is against you going jobless? Just how powerful is the influence of others in the things we do and decisions we make?
This statement made me think a lot about the past and the future; About the things I am about to do and whether I am doing it because I think I should, or because I really want to do it. There’s a fine line between both. Until we learn how to differentiate both, we won’t be able to do something as ourselves, for ourselves.
Originally written by Gina Yap Lai Yoong © 2008
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“Remember the time when you suddenly realised you no longer love that someone anymore?”
I personally dont think the example above is really suitable because once you are committed in a relationship (and i mean ONLY relationship), you dont get your way in or out only based on feelings per se because that’s when we see high divorce rates. When you have decided to be with someone, stick with it…unless it’s detrimental to you ie abuse or the person died. Otherwise, you work it out through the rough patches…including infidelity. Easier said than done.
For the other examples of the job, life paths, etc…yes i agree you shouldnt.
“Remember the time when you suddenly realised you no longer love that someone anymore?”
Some people love because it’s a routine; and not real love.
can you please elaborate? I dont quite understand what is meant by ‘routine’. Perhaps case study would come in useful in explaining? Thanks
A case study sounds good… when I have the time. Anyway, what I was trying to say is when you love someone out of habits and routines, as in you are so used to being together that love doesn’t come but you are together anyway. Some people realised that love no longer exist and move on, but many decides to do nothing about it.
and so how do you measure love? by the butterfly feelings in your stomach and cloud-9 dreamy feeling ALL the time? Surely no one can sustain THAT long…
Surely true love can sustain THAT long.. or at least mine did. I still get butterflies even though we are no longer together now. It’s love.