Security VS Insecurity
Have you ever felt secure and insecure at the same time? Have you ever felt comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time? I believe if love-hate relationship can exist, so can these feelings. It’s not abnormal to feel two different feelings at the same time. If you can love someone, you can also hate the very same person. If you can feel secure in someone, you can also feel insecure in the very same person. Confused? Those who have been through these feelings conflict will know what I am trying to share this time.
God has taught me so much since I met this special friend whom has ever since plays an important role in my life. I have put her in a special place in my heart ever since I began to love her for whom she is deep inside. She was the one who understands, she was the one who cares. She was the one who knows all that is really going on in this little mind of mine. And at one time, I really found myself loving and appreciating her so much for being in my life… and I still do love her.
But soon, things began to change. Was it me? Or was it her? I couldn’t be sure because I realized her excitement for this new-found friendship has faded away, while mine… I am still excited to care for her as much as I can. But does this mean that she no longer loves me? Does it mean that she no longer cares? I do not know. I feel a little abandoned, a little lonely, a little afraid. I’m afraid that I couldn’t be part of her life anymore. What if she allows me to slowly fade away from her life too?
She doesn’t seem to understand as much as she used to do these days. She doesn’t seem to care as much. And slowly, I began to keep more to myself. She no longer becomes the place where I pour out my heart. I no longer share because she doesn’t seem to understand anymore. Or maybe sharing with her just doesn’t satisfy my heart now. I just want her by my side. Times when I am low, times when I am up. Times when I feel so depressed, I wanted to cry. These are the times I want to be beside her. She gives me a sense of security and insecurity. Security knowing that things wouldn’t be worse with her around, insecurity knowing that I am unable to share with her all that I have in my heart… because it hurts when she wouldn’t understand as much as she used to.
Have you experienced the same thing? Feeling so secure and insecure at the same time? Such a distracting feeling. Be careful when you handle these feelings. If you don’t handle it well, the insecurity inside of you may destroy the friendship that you are sharing with the person. Don’t let the power of insecurity fill your mind. But look at the potential and blessing of the friendship. Make the security your stronghold in nurturing the friendship, and try to share your insecurities with the person. Let her know how you feel. It’s not easy, I didn’t say it was. Even I, myself, find it hard. But I am trying… trying really hard to tell this friend of mine that at times I act strange because of the insecurities I feel inside. I want to experience the blessing of this friendship to the fullest.
Originally written by Gina Yap Lai Yoong © 2008
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1) Sometimes, it’s just a phase of life…that at certain seasons, someone may be close to you and flows with you but in another season, someone else may take that place. So it’s dangerous to put all your “eggs” in this one person. It’s really not easy to find someone who will be your closest pal all the days of your life. Perhaps there r some months or some years that the person has to deal with some things and need a “time out” for herself. Of course, 24-7 die-hard friendships exist, it’s very rare. Not even one’s spouse can fulfill that all the time.
2) She may be undergoing some tough times of her own and thus may be “out-of-touch” with the sensitivity that connects both of you for a while. Do give her some space but always check back on her. After all, if she’s given u so much, it may be time for you to give back
(and this is especially essential if your friend has a new-found bf)
Anyhow, rejoice that you ‘once’ had something special. It may seem like a circle that never ends in your many friendships…but i guess that’s what makes life deeply meaningful.
That’s life. Not everyone wants to be someone’s die-hard friend.
It’s not that. I’d say not everyone can fulfill someone’s ideal version of die-hard friend. After all, none of us are the same.
Very true… I am tired of being die-hard friend. Then again, couldn’t live without being one!
Ppl will expect that of you and you will expect that of ppl. It’s the natural order of life…but we have to always remember we canot be someone else’s ‘god’ and neither can that person be our ‘god’.