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With tears streaming down her face, Liz ran as fast as she could. She could still hear Ryan calling out her name from beyond the darkness, but she ran anyway. She needed to get away from that horrible place. She needed to leave as soon as possible. She wanted to be alone.

As she approached her hostel, she began to slow down. Beside a light post, she fell down and began to purge. It must have been the cans of beer she had during the party. Her stomach did not feel good, and her head was still spinning. But she was still aware of all that was going on around her.

Back in her room, Liz’s roommate stirred from sleep as she closed the bathroom door behind her. Alison got up and knocked on the door gently.

“Are you alright, Liz? Everything’s okay?” she asked. There was a moment of silence.

“I’m fine. You go back to sleep k? I’ll just wash up,” she answered between her sobs. Her voice was soft and muffled, but Alison could still hear her.

“Okay. Just wake me up if you need anything k?”

As she heard footsteps leaving the door, Liz began to break into tears. In the bath tub, she sat and cried all night long. Flashes of all that had just took place flashed before her eyes, and she began to clutch her fists in anger. Suddenly, she reached for the knob and turned on the shower, allowing the water to drip from her shoulder length hair all the way to her toes. Then, she began to scrub herself with a sponge, trying her best to wash herself clean. She scrubbed and she scrubbed. She washed and she washed. Even after an hour in the shower, she did not feel clean. She could still feel it in her. Her body shivered tremendously.

The next day, she did not get up from bed. She had been crying all night, her body was weak. As she lie in bed, flashes of yesterday incident filled her thoughts and she shuddered in fear. How could he? How could Ryan, her very first boyfriend of 2 years, do this to her? Why did he do that? The person whom she has always loved, the person whom she has trust and cared for, the person she has been holding on since high school. Why did it had to be him? She did not understand.

“Are you okay, Liz? Are you sick?” asked Alison in concern. She heard Liz coming back late yesterday, and she knew her ears were not playing tricks on her. She heard Liz’s sobs beneath the pillows, and had wondered what was wrong. And when she did not see Liz in classes in the morning, she became worried. So she came back during lunch to see if she was okay.

“Liz, did you hear me? How are you feeling?” she asked again. Liz did not stir a bit. Gently, she put her hand on her forehead.

“I’ve got to get you to a doctor, dear! You’re having a high fever,” she exclaimed, giving the weak body a little shake. Liz finally stirred. She then insisted that she will be alright and asked Alison not to worry. After a few more tries, Alison gave up and decided to go back for classes. Liz was being stubborn. In between classes, she dropped by to check out if Liz was alright, getting her some food and necessities. After two days, Liz finally got out of bed and was on the move again.

“How have you been, girl?”

“Haven’t seen you around, you alright?”

Liz could only whisper a word or two in reply, sometimes only nodding her head. And as time passed by, she quit cheerleading, stopped writing as the editor of the school newsletter, and even withdrew from the choir. She spent most of her time in the room, sometimes studying but most of the time staring out the window. No longer the girl she used to be, the crowd was beginning to ask themselves what has happened to the most popular girl in school.

“Didn’t see Ryan around lately, you guys okay?” Alison asked one day, as she tidied up her things.

“Mmm…”

“What’s wrong, Liz? You’re not yourself these past few weeks. Anything you want to share?”

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?” Alison walked over and sat beside her. Liz kept quiet.

“You’re not good in hiding things, you know. Come on, tell me what’s wrong?” Alison nudged her gently on the side. Silently, after a few minutes, Liz uttered, “Ryan raped me.”

Originally written by Gina Yap Lai Yoong © 2006

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