I never believed in the concept of best friends. It seemed to be one of those phrases that could either bring people together, or tear them apart. I remember my old times when I was studying in pre-school. Whenever the year comes to an end, colourful books were passed around as classmates asked everyone to personalise a page so that the keeping-in-touch business can go on. I have to admit that it was fun exchanging details. Personalising a corner in the book can really be an enjoyment but when it comes to the friendships column, it can really give you a headache.

The frequently asked questions are like: “Who are your friends?”, “Who are your good friends?” and “Who are your best friends?”. Missing any of your buddies’ names would create disasters. Friends would come up to you and say things like, “I thought I am your best friend. But why did you put my name under your good friends?” And soon you will find that friendships are breaking and people are drawing apart – all because of a silly book. Do we actually need to categorize our friends?

I always believed that we should not put one person above all our friends. It’s just isn’t fair for the people around us. One of the reasons was that we tend to love that person more than the rest. He/she will get all our attention and we will care for him/her extremely more. Then others will feel hurt or maybe even jealous. After all, they love us just the same and need our love too.

For example, we tend to call that person more often to chat and to keep each other updated on the happenings in one another’s life. And when we come across nice things in the mall, we will buy one for that person as well. That person, being in our minds all the time, makes us neglect our other friends and they might feel offended.

Another reason was that we would start to expect more from that peculiar person. His/her actions affect us more than any other friends’ would. For example, when all our friends forget our birthday. No big deal! We will not only be sad that no one remembers, we will only be disappointed that our best friend actually forgets our big day. True? Think about it. Then hurt and anger slowly crawl into our hearts. Why all these unnecessary pain and hurt?

My thinking remained this way until I met a friend whom treated me like one of her closest buddies (or at least that’s how I felt). Somehow, I was given a chance to know this person extremely well. Time passed us by and my circle of friends changed, but we remain the same. We still keep in touch despite our busy daily lives, call each other to share our problems and thoughts, and we even encourage each other during tough times. We laugh and cry together, and are there for one another during our ups and downs. Even when she saw me at my worst, she still likes me as a friend.

And soon I come to realize that maybe I was wrong all these while. Best friends do exists, but it’s not up to us to choose who he/she may be. Best friends are planted into our lives with sprinkles of love and trust. We will not have to find someone to be our best friends. God has planted best friends along our ways as we walk this road called life.

So yea, I’ve learnt. I’ve learnt from my past experiences that choosing someone to be my best friend has been the most hurtful things to do. And I’ve learnt that God has a lot in store for us. He knows who can be a good friend to us and who doesn’t. He knows who is best to guide us in our walk with Him and who we can click well with. I surrender all my friendships to Him with trust that He will make a way for everything.

Originally written by Gina Yap Lai Yoong © 2005

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